Occasionally I am struck with the sense that I have no one to talk to.
Some things, like should I do this, should I say yes or no, would be great for me to talk through.
Choice is: selecting freely, after consideration. Choice is when it is not your reasons that choose but you, yourself. But often it is not easy to choose… and a conversation helps.
Choice is selecting freely, after consideration…
That consideration is a conversation. Either with yourself, or with someone who is willing to be a sounding board.
Most people are not suitable to be a sounding board.
They either think that their ‘job’ is to fix your problems, or they want to sound smart, or they want to use you to talk about their stuff, or they are just… simply… not interested. Mostly in anything.
Also, if they are there in body but not in mind, they are not a sounding board.
The essence of a sounding board is the echo.
When the echo is distorted, the person had an opinion.
When there is no echo, the person wasn’t listening, they are off in their own thoughts.
If you are the subscriber of my podcasts, you’ll notice how many times I ask: are you there?
What is taking you out of the conversation if you are the listener?
In my experience, it is your overemphasis on yourself. Me, myself, and I. An about-me number higher than 30% makes you a very poor listener. And it forces the speaker, your conversation partner to change what they do, and have the conversation all about you.
That makes for a very poor podcast. One time, yes. Every time: it is boring for the listener.
For me: the experience of being sucked dry, giving me nothing in return.
I had a conversation partner for 14 years. It was perfect for 13 of those 14 years. Then during the pandemic, my partner fell in with the conspiracy theories. He started to view me as part of the liberal pedophile gang… I would laugh if it were funny. In the end we parted ways.
I miss talking to him.
I could discuss anything with him: he would provide the sounding board, and a few grunts here and there… And I would feel no need for another friend.
I probably didn’t give anything to him… I don’t even know if he had a need to be heard… It wasn’t a real friendship.
Real friendships are formed on the mutual need to be heard.
That doesn’t mean you have permission to be boring…
If you don’t have much to say, don’t talk. Be interested. And then if and when you have something to discuss, you can be heard.
You can be responsible for how you are heard. In essence, it is one of those ‘yours to do’ to be interesting or if you can’t… then be interested.
My friend wasn’t interesting. But for 13 of those 14 years he was interested. And I thrived on that interest.
I am normally the interesting party…
Like me, you can become playful, you can become entertaining, so they can actually stay with you, instead of going away into their own thoughts.
But you need to watch, like a hawk,
Read the rest of the article
