Why am I such a Nazi when it comes to who I am willing to work with?
Remember the soup Nazi? Who ran his soup takeout shop like a prison camp? And people lined up and waited patiently to be given soup… that was so good, and so hard to come by, they were willing to earn it… I want to be like the soup Nazi.
Like everyone, my energy is finite. I can’t whip out extra energy at the drop of a hat… I am human.
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Do you ever wonder why you are sometimes filled with energy and ambition, at other times you don’t want to do anything new?
I am not talking about an emotional cyclicity here, like you have in bipolar, I mean your activity level is fluctuating…
One of the reason can be what I call accumulation and consolidation.
It seems that you and me alike, are afraid of letting go of control. We are afraid of life out of control, of sh-i-t hitting the fan, of what we will do when that happens. So we keep on controlling, suppressing, resisting, and living a shadow existence.
Whether you believe this or not will make a huge difference for you. At the bottom, at the root of this miserable life is a word, a statement, about you, that you are using your life to alternately prove and disprove. A word that sounds like a fact but it isn’t… it is an opinion, not a fact.
A typical “oscillating structure” is the result, and no one is immune from it.
Oscillating structure (the expression comes from Robert Fritz’s book, The Path of Least Resistance.)
An oscillating structure is like a rocking chair: it gives the experience of movement, but it doesn’t move. It just goes back and forth, proving or disproving a “fact” that is a non-fact, untruth, un-reality, non-fact, therefore it cannot be proven.
Imagine spending your whole life trying to prove something that is unprovable, like the existence of god or the existence of life after death.
In a previous article I mention that at age 60 I finally found home. It should have struck you as strange, but there was no echo: no comment, no commentary, no reply.
I think that you don’t know what home is… maybe?
I found a quote from Maya Angelou about “home.” It struck a cord with me, because she, just like me, found home within.
Here is the quote. Make sure you let me know if it resonated with you. OK?
I believe that one can never leave home. I believe that one carries the shadows, the dreams, the fears and dragons of home under one’s skin, at the extreme corners of one’s eyes and possibly in the gristle of the earlobe.
