You may think that you want… That you really really want something. But the truth is: you really really NEED it… because you feel that without it you are… what? dead? a loser? what are you really afraid of?
Real want is energizer, real want is nurturing. You have no real wants. You have needs…and you are pitiful.
What happens if your ‘needs’ are dominating your life? If you are the 8-billion?
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I had been miserable for a few days now…
So when this happens I pay attention.
Of course my attention is splintered: some of it goes into feeling sorry for myself, some of it to ‘fix’ the misery… or its seeming cause. and some of it to see what is REALLY going on.
I always say that if you can go through hell with your eyes open and with wide cone of vision, you are going to see what lead you there and what you can do to reduce the likelihood of going through hell again any time soon.
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I just finished listening to a 30-minute audio where the dude was sharing how great he was, what great things he does, and how much money he was going to make with it.
I muscle tested. His narcissistic measure from the Starting Point Measurements) was 99%.
Then I muscle tested if he loves himself… and the answer was no.
Self love is a function of integrity.
His level of integrity is 1%.
Why so low?
Because the context is all about him, building himself up, tooting his own horns, and it is fully and wholly desire to receive for the self alone.
I have literally stopped buying his products, or attending his live classes I have been paying for. I listen to the replays, but won’t go and sit there hating him, and feeling dumped upon, or being sold.
So what is going on, and what is underneath this behavior?
This is one of the attitudes, one of the behaviors that bother me a lot. This is when someone positions themselves higher than they have ‘earned’ to be.
It is not rare, it is almost everyone, whether it evident through their words or not.
What am I talking about?
You, for example, think you are not good enough… so it wouldn’t apply to you, right?
Wrong.
It is part of the human condition even though it defies any reasonable thinking.
You have two selves. One that is your imaginary self who can do things. Who can rescue puppies, and talk to thousands… in your imagination.
And then you have the person, the self, who bumbles through life, and can’t do anything right… all in comparison. Comparison with the hero self… who doesn’t exist.
The tension between them, the judgment between them, the dislike between them is what gives you your quality of life.
What?
That dude who is a perfect 10 in everything in his imagination is really a seven or less in everything he does.
Not a big gap? Tell him that. He, unconsciously, compares himself with perfection, and he suffers. He knows. And he knows that his life is a lie…
He can’t tolerate just being a good guy, he has to be the best of the best.
And he can’t.
And he suffers.
I see this or versions of this in my clients…
Most won’t do a lick of work, but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about the two selves, the self-hate, the ‘can’t tolerate being just a guy’ syndrome.
Most people have a bigger than big gap between their two selves, the imaginary, the ideal, the unreal, and the actual person who is doing things in reality.
Until you are likeable to yourself, you are not likeable to others either.
So what can you do if your two selves are not able to like each other?
You may need to ‘attack’ this issue from two sides. You want to get the two selves closer so they can hug.
Lowering your self-evaluation, your ideal is the more effective of these two actions, but you may still need to do both to get the two selves closer.
You need to lower the bar…
One of my clients decided to get up an hour earlier every
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How to have self-love? And why?
I have been struggling with this forever. Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind there is a huge resistance to it…
I listen in… I don’t even have to put a pillow on my head… I can now hear it, just need to listen.
–You are not perfect… yet
–If you ever loved yourself you would stop striving
–If you loved yourself then you would be selfish
There may be more… these are memes. Mind viruses.
All untruth perpetuated to keep people unhappy, not loving themselves. Not being on their own side.
My first awakening, rude as it was, was in 1979. I was 32 years old, had won first prize in an architectural competition, and I was in a mental health facility as an inmate.
Depression… I was depressed…
I didn’t know I was an empath, so I have no idea how much of what I felt was mine…
One day in the big circle I said something that got me thrown out of that big circle group.
Next day I was asked to do a test: find out what I like and what I don’t. I spent a lot of time with that test, because, honestly, I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I liked and what I preferred.
They made me retake the test, and I failed again. Holy Mackerel… I had no “I”. I mean I did have an “I” that threw its weight around, that won competitions, that got thrown out of groups, that pontificated and sympathized with people…
And yet there was no solid “I”… an “I” I could return to to be true to myself, to refuel myself, to be free to be myself.
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When you love yourself: you love your life. And that is the closest we know to be a happy person.
And you want to be happy, right? It feels like your birthright. Even though I can’t specifically point at anyone who is happy… it IS your birthright.
Birthright or not birthright, we all want to be happy… even though no one has been able to explain how to become happy… so it seems that it will remain a desire… never to be fulfilled. Hope and hopeless… or resigned is our dominant state.
The closest experience to happiness is contentment, with life, with yourself.
Continue reading How to fall in love with yourself… the narrow and strait path to happiness
